Living Happy

Happiness is a choice...

It hit me today...I'm an adult. The whole "when I grow up" is now. I've continued to read the book, The Happiness Project and it has become my guilty pleasure. I've started a lovely tradition of treating myself to some time following a day of work where I retreat to either a park bench or couch inside a coffee shop. That half hour a few times a week has been beautiful.

I'm not sure if I've ever explained the purpose of the book. It's about this woman who realizes that she's not as happy as she could/or should be. She has an absolutely amazing life, but tends to let the little stressors in life wear her down. The book follows her journey to improve her happiness, much like I've tried to use this blog. I found a lot of similarities in our lives...we're both not unhappy by any means, just want to ensure we're making the most out of the joys in our lives. It's all about the simple things (i.e., my little coffee treats). What I like about her book is that she is very down to earth. She normalizes a lot of my innerconflict (i.e., is it alright to worry about your own happiness when you aren't really unhappy and you know a lot of people in the world are suffering). I deserve to feel ok and don't have to feel guilty about being me. That was a big thing to learn... There's such a fine line between being grateful and feeling guilty. Being grateful for "all that is right in your life" is one thing... feeling guilty that everyone else doesn't have what you have is another. A lot of my energy over the past few years was wasted worrying about how "unfair" life was for others. I wondered why I was given such an easy life...it just didn't seem fair. I did my best to 'give back', recycle the beauties of my life...but why? Was it because it was right? How did I know? I've realized that although it's incredibly important to recognize the privilege that you hold and to be conscious of the inequality that exists and to work to prevent the preservation of that inequality...it's useless to let it constantly impede you from feeling happy.

I think self discovery has a played a big part in this. I'm becoming more self aware...I know I'm far from 'self actualization', but I'm only 22...what do you expect!? I sometimes wonder what it feels like to have a midlife crisis...and if I've suffered several of those. Either every transition in life accompanies a similar need to redefine reality like the one experienced by middle agers when they are on the verge of retirement and their children leave home, or it's a sign I'm going to have a shortened life (that stupid diet pepsi!!). I've come to realize that being miserable because life isn't fair for others does little to solve the problems that plague our society (you'd think that was a no brainer...I wish it was, I could have avoided a lot of sleepless nights and emotionally charged runs).

On another note... today I realized something in the realm of love. I'm ok. I'm not sure why I realized this today, but it's exhilarating. There's this love issue that I've been dealing with for quite some time (long story, kind of like Romeo and Juliet, but different). It's taken me a long time and quite a few ups and downs to finally realize that sometimes love isn't enough. It's that simple.

So... Mr. "almost right", thank you. Maybe one day the stars will align, but until then, I'm ok flying solo.